1. Sometimes I cannot find an explanation for why I feel the way I do.
There are times when my anxiety and
depression act up and I don’t know why. I understand there is usually a
trigger, but sometimes even I don’t know what it is. Unfortunately, my
mental illness doesn’t come with an informational pamphlet about what
triggers it.
[...]
3. Whenever I seem to want the most space is usually when I need the most support.
When I start to go into a depressive
episode or my anxiety is particularly high, I try to isolate myself. I
hide in my room or spend an immense amount of time outside of the house
to try to stay away from people. When I’ve locked myself in my room it
means more to me than you could ever know when you just come lay next to
me with no need for explanation or words of any kind.
[...]
6. I still care about you, probably more than I care about myself.
No matter how bad I feel, I still want
what’s best for you. When I genuinely start to avoid you, for weeks or
even months at a time, it’s not because you’ve done something wrong; I
just feel like you are better off without me. I begin to think your life
will be happier without me in it and that my mental illness is dragging
you down. Even if being around you makes me happy and forget about my
illness for a minute (which can be the most helpful thing in the world),
I will try to sacrifice that if I feel like I am an inconvenience to
you in any way. In times like these I just need reassurance that you
don’t feel like I am a nuisance. And I might not believe you right away,
but it will help to bring me out of that downward spiral, and it makes
me remember you care about me too.
7. There are days when I feel completely numb to my emotions.
If I look like I am walking around like
an emotionless zombie, that’s probably how I feel. Sometimes all of my
emotions seem distant to me; I know what I should be feeling, but I
can’t quite grasp the feeling itself. And sometimes I will feel like
this and you will never know; since I know what I should be feeling,
I’ve learned to act as though I am feeling this emotion.
8. There are days when I feel too many emotions all at once.
Opposite to not feeling anything,
sometimes I feel entirely too much. This can manifest in many ways; I
may feel sad, excited, angry, hopeful, desperate, love and hate all at
once. So if I seem like I am jumping from one emotion to the next
extremely quickly it’s because I am trying to hold on to one emotion at a
time, but I can’t hole one long before it jumps to another.
[...]
fromhere
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